I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
