You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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