I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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