Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
