you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
