Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize