Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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