she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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