dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
