i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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