Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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