you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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