Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
