And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
