Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
