They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
