You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
