Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
