Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
