my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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