I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
