there was a trapeze. enough said
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
