People with herpes should wear stickers.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
