Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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