He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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