i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
