the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
