i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
