we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
