Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
