I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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