she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
