If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
