i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
