Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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