if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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