Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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