It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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