this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
