I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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