do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh god it's open bar.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
