watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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