I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
