so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't deserve a penis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
