I accidentally had phone sex last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
