was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
