at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
