Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
