Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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