He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
