apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
