Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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