I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize