on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
