Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
