I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
