The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
