so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
