would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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