You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
