hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
