I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
