What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
